The “gist” of it

• what is a belief?
• types of beliefs
  • global beliefs
  • rules
  • identity

The sh*t they should have taught us in school

Episode 2: Understanding Your Beliefs

👇 LISTEN TO THE PODCAST EPISODE HERE 👇

The Transcript:

In school, they teach us what to think. But they don’t really teach us how to think, or why.

We were taught math, geography and history.

But what about values? What about emotions see, and what about self worth being, I wanted to create this podcast to help normalize some of the emotions we experienced day to day, help normalize the human experience, help those that might feel different, a little less alone, and share a new perspective on life that helped drag me out of the dark, in hopes that it might shine a light on some of yours.

There’s no greater freedom than owning your own thoughts, emotions and behaviors. And that is what I hope for all of you: your own personal freedom. So to the underdogs, and anyone who ever felt alone in this world, I dedicate this podcast to you. This is the shit they should have taught us in school. 

Hello, hello, my name is Trina and today we are going to be talking about understanding beliefs. I’m pretty excited that you’re here. I’m not gonna lie. I love talking about this stuff. Because it has made such an impact on my life. You see, you already have some beliefs about what I’m going to be sharing with you, you might just not be aware of it yet. 

Perhaps you’ve heard me talk about some of this before. And you’ve gained a level of curiosity and trust in me that’s causing you to get excited and maybe even a little hopeful. Or perhaps you find the whole idea behind beliefs and what I do a little woo woo and you’re listening to this with some skepticism. Whatever your beliefs are, they are all valid. There’s no judgment here. 

The point is, is that you have beliefs and every situation you face, and what you believe dictates how you show up in the world. If you believe I’m a trustworthy source of information, it’s going to affect how you listen, retain and use this information differently than if you were to think that I’m just some girl spouting off complete nonsense, right? What people fail to recognize is that most of the beliefs that you have created, were created unconsciously. 

Through your upbringing, different events, ideas and sources, you adopted the rules and meanings that were given to you as a child as your own. Which means that most of the behaviors you participate in are a reaction to the ideas and patterns created by someone else. In this episode, I’m going to be going over what a belief actually is, why they are important, and the three different types of belief systems that we all have. So let’s get started. 

Understanding Beliefs

What is a belief? By definition, a belief is an acceptance that a statement is true, or that something exists. It is a trust, faith, or confidence in something or someone. That is the actual definition by the Oxford Dictionary. My definition isn’t that far off. It is a thing, a concept, an idea that you believe to be true, it is your truth. 

You see, your beliefs are created by your brain to make sense of the world that we live in. Using your past experiences as a guide to help you decipher what to believe, and what not to believe in order to keep you safe. When you believe something to be true, absolutely 100% True. You show up in a different way than when doubt enters your mind. Right? 

Every day you’re enforcing old beliefs or you’re creating new ones. And the crazy thing is, that most of the beliefs that you have are not consciously made. They were picked up from your parents and from past generations, their beliefs that you’ve developed from teachers, from friends, from marketing and from TV, from events you’ve experienced and stories that you’ve heard.

One of the very first beliefs that we develop is how to be loved or how to experience love. How your guardian treated you as a child as a baby really created evidence in your mind on how love should be experienced, given and received. It’s your responsibility to engage in understanding beliefs you hold about the world. And from there, you get to decide which ones you want to keep and which ones you want to unlearn. But before you decide anything, you first need to become aware. And awareness requires a certain level of honesty and curiosity. Not all people are willing to take it. 

One of the things that I realized after I started this work and after I started becoming aware was I was afraid of black people. I’m not ashamed to say it because it’s no longer true, but it was a truth and it was one I didn’t want to look at. Here’s the tricky thing about beliefs. I never thought I was racist. Racism was bad. That’s what I was taught by my mom. Amen, my grandmother. And yet, I started noticing that when I found myself in certain areas where there was a dominant black demographic, I felt fearful. Here’s a question for you. Can you believe one thing while feeling something totally different? Of course you can. 

So here I was in my head telling me that I wasn’t racist, and everybody is equal. Meanwhile, my body is continuously having a reaction that shouting “run!” whenever I’m around black people. And that’s when I started getting curious. Because I noticed my body and my thoughts were conflicting. I knew racism was wrong. I knew these things that I didn’t want to feel. But yet at the same time, there was something that was going on within me that was producing feelings that were telling me otherwise. 

And so when I started digging in and getting curious, it started to make sense. I began thinking about my high school and all my experience with black people. And I realized I had none. I think there were three black kids that went to my high school of approximately 1000 kids, maybe about 20 That went to my college. Was I always afraid of black people. Was I afraid of all black people? The answer to both of these questions was no. So where did this come from? You see, our brain can only process so much of what’s going on around us. 

And it has three main functions to help us process information. It’ll distort information, it generalizes information, and it deletes information. Being a child that grew up in the 90s, the media’s portrayal of black people was very different than it is now. Sadly, not enough. But I realized I didn’t have any real experience with black people, not until I was older anyway. So my brain generalized what was being fed to it from the media and the movies. Black people are criminals or thugs or trouble. Like I said, some of this work can be uncomfortable, and you might not want to look at it, but the moment you become aware of it, you can change it. 

Once I noticed this, I was able to work with it, I started looking for all the evidence that it wasn’t true and dismantling my old belief system. If you find yourself looking at some uncomfortable belief systems, the worst thing you can do in these situations is shame yourself. Shame is paralyzing, you can’t move in shame. Shame is the idea or belief that I am wrong. Understand that this is just an old pattern and make a decision about what you’re going to do with it. That is power. There are three different types of belief systems that we can all have. The example that I just explained to you is a global belief. And that is where we are going to start. 

Global beliefs are the beliefs that we can have about people, things and the world around us. They are the generalizations we can have about a specific group of people ideas are how the world quote unquote, shouldn’t be. Have you ever had a really bad breakup? And then all of a sudden, your opinion of men or women suddenly shifted to embody everything about your ex? Global beliefs or when you might find yourself making statements about a wide group of people based on your own experiences? Men are assholes. Women are manipulative. How do you think you’re going to approach someone you don’t know with one of these beliefs inside of you? 

It would certainly be hard to start a relationship with someone if this is what you genuinely believe, that your core global beliefs don’t just have to be negative or heavy things, they can work in positive and simple ways too. Men are creative. Women are loving. These types of beliefs can create issues like prejudice, discrimination and racism, but they can also create movements, revolution and change. 

I want to do an exercise with you here. And what I’m going to do is I’m going to list out a couple of words and I want you to notice the first thing that comes to mind. Chances are you’re going to have something that comes right up for you, hang on to that. What is it? Get curious. If you’re tense right now, chill out. This is supposed to be fun, okay? It’s gonna be like a really enjoyable game of Mad gab or Mad Libs. I’m gonna say something and there’s going to be a spot where you get to fill it in. What’s the first thing that pops to mind? Don’t press about it. Are you ready? Love is. Men are. Women are. Sex is. War is. Freedom is. Black people are. White people are. Brown people are. Poor people are. Rich people are. Donald Trump is. 

I couldn’t help myself. Did anything come up for you in any of those exercises? And I’m not saying any of this to trigger you. But if anything came up in this episode, so far, that’s gotten you a little uncomfortable. I want you to get curious about it. Oftentimes, when we start to get uncomfortable and triggered, there’s something inside that’s happening. And we’re actually shaming or blaming ourselves rather than trying to really understand what’s going on. So try not to shy away from it, you have the power to change anything that doesn’t serve you. Get excited! 

The second type of belief systems that we have are rules. Has somebody ever smiled at you, and instantly you gave it a meaning? Or maybe somebody caught your eye that looked upset or angry, and you came to the conclusion that they didn’t like you. These are cause and effect beliefs. If blank happens, then blank is true. Perfectionists love real beliefs, I would know, I used to be one. These types of beliefs often cause the instant emotional triggers we experience. If you notice that your behavior starts to fluctuate, there’s a good chance it’s because of a rule you have in your subconscious mind. If you want to get some more insights about yourself, you could answer some of these questions. 

I experience love when… I experience rejection when… I feel like a failure when… I will feel successful when… I feel most connected to myself when… Understanding when and how you experience major emotions and events in your life is going to help you establish a better connection with yourself. Once you understand your recipes, you can decide if you want to keep them or if they need some tweaking. 

The last type of belief system is the most powerful one and it is my favorite. And that is identity. These are the beliefs that dictate what type of person you believe yourself to be what you think that you’re capable of. And ultimately, they’re the beliefs that determine your behavior. You could believe that you found the love of your life. But if you don’t think that you are worthy of that love, chances are you are not going to be standing outside of their house with a boombox over your head blasting in your eyes by Peter Gabriel anytime soon. What do you believe you’re capable of? What do you believe you are not capable of any statement that you have muttered starting with I m is a belief that you have about your identity. 

I am stubborn, I am kind, I am ugly. I’m a perfectionist, I am intelligent, I am impatient. I am talented, I am focused, I am not enough. I am stupid. I am fat. I am a good person. The tricky thing with identity beliefs is that many people believe that they are just cold, hard facts. The most common phrase that we have all used and I know that you’ve used it is that’s just who I am. That’s just who I am offers little hope or flexibility for growth. But every belief can be changed if you want it to. And I need to preface this because when you get into identity beliefs, there becomes this resistance of thinking like I’m trying to tell you that you aren’t good enough and you need to change. 

asI’m not trying to change anyone. Remember, beliefs are something that were unconsciously built into our system, by our upbringing, by our teachers, by our environment, they didn’t even know that they were doing it. So really the person that you are the real you is being hidden by some of these belief systems that you never chose. And it’s up to you to decide what actually works for you and what doesn’t. I want you to think about where you are right now, who you are right now. Is it serving you? I used to be impatient and undisciplined. That’s just who I was. I grew up in a household where I got to do anything I wanted. And where time was valued – the faster the better. 

Do you know what it takes in order to run your own business while working with people and their belief systems? Fucking patience and discipline? And so I practice patience. And I taught myself discipline. What beliefs do you have inside of you? And are they serving your goals? The most important part of this process is you need to become aware, aware of where you currently are, aware of where you want to go and aware of the possibility and I promise you anything is possible. You’d need to develop a certain level of honesty within yourself that might feel uncomfortable at first anyway, when I first started this work, there were all sorts of discomfort and triggers that came with it. There was a resistance to change an idea that I wasn’t good enough I can promise you that’s not what this is. 

This is about deciding what Life You Want To Live starting with what you want to believe, think and feel. The reward is worth it. When you dig deep into the shit you were fed as a child and adolescent and discard all of the ideas, thoughts and beliefs that no longer work for you there is a level of freedom you can achieve that I can’t begin to describe. Open yourself to curiosity. You are the creator of your own life. Decide that everything you believe is for a reason that you choose. Make them your choice. I am incredibly passionate about all of this work because of the shift and change it made in my life. 

So if you have any questions or want to learn how we can work together, please send me a message on Instagram at @trinapaper or you can head over to my website for more options. Until next time, this is Trina Parnell saying love fiercely, laugh often and live without limits.