April 13th, 2024
The reason you can’t make up your mind
Do you have a hard time making up your mind? Do you struggle with making decisions? I’m the type of person that googles menus at restaurants before I go out so that I don’t make my date sit through the painful act of me choosing a meal. Its painful… trust me
The choices we make have the power to shape our destiny. And though that kind of power may not be found in a restaurant menu; our decisions on our careers, health and partners will all create a path.
In this article, I wanted to talk to you about the indecisive mind, what’s behind it and hopefully offer you some clarity and inspiration to help you make a decision and move forward.
About a year ago I had started to wonder why I was SO indecisive in some areas of my life and not in others. I knew the importance of decisions and how they affect the outcomes of our lives, so I put myself into a heavy overthinking session and realized this:
Whenever I found myself at a loss of which choice to make – it came down to 2 things:
- I didn’t have a clear idea on what my outcome was
- I had a case of “failure-itis”.
I want you to think back to a time when you were stuck making a decision you couldn’t make, were you clear about the outcome you were after? And if so… what held you back from moving toward that goal? Two principals are guaranteed to show up in any area where you lack the ability to make a decision. Whether it be:
- your business
- your friendships
- your finances
- your love life 😳
The 2 things that are holding you back from making a decision are:
a lack of clarity… or lack of confidence.
It’s that simple.
A decision is a choice.
And our inability to make a choice is created from the fear of making the wrong one… or not really knowing what we are choosing.
Let me explain:
If I told you to choose between an apple or a pickle – which would you choose?
Depending on your preference, I imagine the choice would be fairly simple. And your preference comes down to the desired result you would want to experience.
Salty. Sweet. Sour. Crisp.
There is no “right” or “wrong” – but there is a “right” or “wrong” choice for you and what you want to experience in that moment. Not being able to choose between the two options would be because you don’t know what you want… and perhaps the fear you will make the wrong choice.
Here’s another example:
Let’s say you are in your car and you come to a dead end… you have to make a turn. How do you know which way to go?
If you don’t know where you are going, you aren’t going to know which way to turn, right? The lack of clarity we have about what we want can often lead us to become indecisive and uncertain when faced with a choice. So when you feel that uncertainty rise up in your body, take it as a signal to ask yourself: “What do I want from this situation?”
Getting clear about your destination IS a destination.
Or what about the times where we can know where we want to go… but have NO CLUE how to get there? This is when you stop and ask for directions. Because chances are someone has been to your destination and they know which turns you need to take. Borrow their roadmap.
And then we have everyone’s favourite:
THE FEAR OF FAILURE.
Listen… we all fear failure. It’s part of the human experience. The interesting thing about failure are the rules we have created that we believe lead to failure.
Often times we don’t create clarity about what we want because we lack the belief in ourselves to achieve it once we have visualized it. We create stories of “impossible” or “that’s stupid” to warrant not following through. Giving up… not making the decision to move… it all comes down to making the “wrong” choice. Disappointing our loved ones. Fearing the fall.
The fear of failure will stop you and keep you stuck. And I can guarantee you won’t go anywhere sitting at a crossroad obsessing over which road to take.
But you know what? The most important thing we all seem to forget… You can always turn around once you realize you’ve gone the wrong way.
Just like I won’t get fed sitting at a restaurant staring at a menu (believe me, I’ve tried)… I can always go back and order another dish the next time around.
It’s time to start looking at your life where you have been hard pressed to make a decision and get clear about what’s stopping you. Is it your lack of clarity? Or is it your lack of confidence? What do you need to do to move you forward?
The decisions you make shape your life. They are what have lead you to where you are, and they are what will lead you towards your future. Stop stalling. It’s time to get clear on your destination and hit the gas.
Want to learn more about decisions? Check out my blog post How to Make a Decision with Impact
If you enjoyed this article, you should check out my podcast “The sh*t they should have taught us in school”. Here I take a look at some of the important lessons we learn in everyday life and help bridge the gap between our emotions and our education system.